What To Do if She Yells at You?

One of the big things I hear from coaches is that they hope she doesn’t yell too much at them. Most women don’t yell at their coaches, but there are always exceptions. So here’s how to deal if she does start yelling at you.

• Take a deep breath before you respond. When yelled at, your first response may be to yell back. But this is the worst thing you can do. Take a deep breath so you can think about your response.
  
  
• Don’t take it personally. She’s doing the best she can. She knows you’re doing the best you can too, but you’re an easy target.
  
  
• Step it up. Maybe she has a point. Maybe you’re not helping her enough. Maybe you need to figure something else out for the next contraction. Pull out your cheat sheet and offer another position or comfort technique.
  
  
• Find out if you did something wrong. Often women in labor will snap because you’re massaging her wrong or you’re not helping her enough. Ask her if she liked what you were doing, or offer suggestions for doing something different. Avoid asking open ended questions such as “Tell me what to do,” or “What should I do”. She can’t answer them.
  
  
• Let her go off on you. She may be yelling at you to express her discomfort, to express fears or because she’s angry at the situation. Sometimes yelling makes us feel better—think about how much better you feel when you yell when you stub your toe. Sometimes being a wall she can yell at actually helps her a great deal.
  
  
• Pat yourself on the back if you’re getting frustrated. Remind yourself you’re helping her by being in the room.
  
  
• Take a break. There’s only so much abuse we can take before we snap. Ask another support person to help you out, or get the nurse so you can go out into the hall and count to ten.