Dealing with the Hospital Staff

Once you get to the hospital, it won’t be you and partner anymore. Now you have to deal with strangers, the staff of the hospital, medical experts who have jobs to do. While the nurses/doctors/midwives are there to help you and your partner, their primary job is the medical side of birth. And these people at the hospital can make a huge difference in how smoothly or how disastrously your birth can go. So you need to know how to deal with them.

• Introduce yourself
  Try to shake hands or at least acknowledge each person who walks into the labor room. If it’s possible, tell them your name, your partner’s name and ask them for theirs. This seems simple, but during the intensity of labor it maybe harder than you’d think.

• Use people’s names
  Find out the names of your nurses and doctors. When you speak to them make sure you use their names. If you’re bad with names you’re in luck; the staff at hospitals will always wear name badges.

• Be nice
  No matter what’s going on with the birth or how you’re being treated, make sure you stay nice. Smile whenever possible and add pleases and thank yous when asking for things.

• Make jokes
  Jokes make us more human and less like another random stranger that the staff is helping. Even if your jokes are horrible, try dropping a few to see if you can get some smiles out of the staff. Worst case, you end up keeping your partner’s mind off the contractions (because your jokes suck and she’s telling you knock it off).

• Get to know them
  If you have down time, ask the staff questions about themselves. Find out if they have kids, pets or an interesting hobby. If they make a comment about the music you’re listening to, find out about their musical interests. Ask if they’ve seen popular movies or TV shows and ask their opinion. Like making jokes, this makes you and your partner more personable and more likely to get the staff’s help with extras. However, keep this getting to know them session light. Steer away from discussions about religion, politics or parenting views.

• Utilize their knowledge by asking for help
  It does no one any good if you go into a birth ready to “do battle” for your wishes. Instead, ask the nurses and other staff for help. Let them know what your goals are with a birth plan and tap into their knowledge. If your partner wants to go unmedicated, let the nurse know that you would love any help she could offer. If your partner wants to breastfeed immediately after birth, let your nurse know you’re going to need their help. Your nurse is a fountain of knowledge and if you ask for it, she’ll be willing to share it with you.

• Ask for clarification
  If you don’t understand what the staff is trying to tell you, make sure they know that. Chances are you’ll be emotional, tired and possibly hungry during the birth. And your partner is going to be feeling the same things, only be dealing with contractions too. This can make comprehension of birthing and medical terms a lot harder. Make sure you understand what’s going on and you can explain it to your partner if needs be.

• Ask them to leave when making decision
  If the staff comes into the room because they want to do an intervention and you want to discuss the intervention with your partner, ask the staff to leave. This will help you make the decision without feeling pressured from the staff. Just be nice about asking. If the staff won’t leave, a doula I know suggests saying that you’re going to pray and would like some privacy to do that.

• Vent out of hearing
  If you don’t like your nurse or you’re frustrated about what’s going on, don’t complain about it in the hearing of the staff. It may offend them and then they won’t be as helpful to you and your partner.

• Ask for new nurses
  If you don’t like your nurse or you think there’s a birthing philosophy difference (i.e. you want to go unmedicated but you feel your nurse is pushing an epidural on your partner) feel free to ask for a new nurse. Just go out to the nurse’s station at your birthing facility and ask to talk to the charge nurse or the nurse manager. Then simply ask for a new nurse. And don’t worry about offending your nurse—chances are the conflict is two-sided and your nurse will be happy to get a different patient.

• Consider bribing
  See the post below this one for more information about bribing.