How Poker is Like Birth

So I’m a poker player, mostly Texas Hold ‘Em. And I love a lot of things about poker from the thrill of bluffing, to the fun of trying to guess what someone else is holding, to the excitement of taking someone else’s money. But the thing I love and hate the most about poker is how unpredictable it is, just like how unpredictable birth is.

With Texas Hold ‘Em it’s possible to do everything right, get flopped 3 queens, play the table perfectly so that no one knows what you have—they just suspect you have something (or you’re bluffing). Finally, you do the All In bet, pretty sure you’ve won.

And you lose to the girl with the flush.

So how does this relate to birth? Well, you and your partner could do everything right. You could attend your childbirth classes, talk about your plans for the birth, practice the breathing and position changes. You could hire a doula and your partner could take a prenatal yoga class. You could read everything you could get your hands on about birth and be as sure as can be that this birth is going to go well.

And then the birth is long, difficult and ends in cesarean, leaving you and your partner wondering what you did wrong.

The truth is, you did nothing wrong. Birth is just unpredictable, just like poker.

Now I’m not saying we stop preparing for births or we stop working hard to prepare for birth just because it’s unpredictable. I prepare for poker games just like you guys need to prepare for birth; I make sure I’m not too tired or hungry before I play and in my free time I read books about poker and watch the World Series of Poker. I know the probabilities of getting a straight or getting four 7s because it makes me a better player. While playing, I make sure I don’t drink too many beers and if I start to get tired or my concentration wanes, I switch to caffeine. I experiment with different styles and different methods of playing poker. But I acknowledge that I can be the best player at the table (not that I am) and still lose because the cards themselves are unpredictable.

Birth is unpredictable too. We don’t know what it’s going to be like for you and your partner. I’ve had mothers tell me it was horrible and I’ve had mothers tell me it wasn’t as bad as they thought it was going to be. I’ve known people who have barely made it to the hospital in time and people who have multiple day labors. I’ve known couples who plan to have dad wait out in the waiting room until after the baby is born and he changes his mind half-way through the labor and wants to catch the baby. And I’ve known dads planning to catch the baby and then faint when it comes time for it.

Just like with poker you have to be flexible when it comes to birth. Just because you have three queens doesn’t mean you can’t be beat. And just because your goal is to go unmedicated and you’ve done all this prep work doesn’t mean it’s going to happen. You have to be able to change your plans at a moment’s notice both in poker and in birth or you handicap yourself.