Helping a Woman Have an Unmedicated Birth

So your partner wants to go unmedicated—she wants to avoid an epidural. And she’s counting on you to help her do it. So how do you help?

• Avoid the unnecessary. You know the basics by now. Try to avoid inductions, try to avoid pitocin and try to avoid letting medical professionals break her water, since it may make labor stronger, testing her resolve to go without the epidural. However, keep in mind that sometimes you just can’t avoid things like pitocin; in some cases these tools are absolutely necessary.

• Talk about your options. So she wants to avoid an epidural. What are her thoughts about narcotics? Would she want a narcotic shot over an epidural or does she want to avoid that too?

• Think about scenarios. What are you going to do if it’s a super long labor or if it looks like she’s heading for a cesarean? How about if she starts panicking? What about if the nurse/doctor start pushing an epidural on her? What if they don’t let her get out of bed/walk the halls/ be in the shower? How are you going to help her now?

• Practice. If you want your labor to go as smoothly as possible, you have to practice your breathing and positions, or you won’t remember how to help her. It only takes a few minutes a couple times a week.

• Become educated. You have to be the one in charge of keeping her comfortable—not her. You must know many ways to help her during the process.

• Come up with a gimmick. You need something to say to her if she asks for the epidural. I told my husband to talk me out of the epidural if I asked for it. I told him to remind me that I didn’t want a urinary catheter and I wanted to be up and moving as soon after my birth as possible. When I did ask for the epidural (and I did) he reminded me of why I didn’t want it. And after he reminded me, I was back and commited to going unmedicated.

• Watch out for the test. I tested my husband, asking for an epidural before I really NEEDED one; I wanted to know what he would do. What can I say? It was my hormones turning me into a mega-witch (not one of my best moments). Some women will do this during labor. Watch out for it.

• Figure out what to do during transition. Remember, transition is the phase of labor right before pushing and is the hardest, but shortest part of labor. This is the point many women ask for an epidural because they hit a wall. However, if you can get her through transition, she probably doesn’t need an epidural. Talk it over and decide what to do if she asks for an epidural in transition.

• Choose a code word. Some women will labor asking for an epidural, but not really want one (welcome to the fun world of women!). In this case, a code word meaning “I actually do want the epidural” can be helpful.

• Step it up if she asks for the epidural. If she’s asking for an epidural, she needs more help. And you have to figure out a way to help her.

• Be prepared for it to test your resolve too. It’s hard to watch someone you love in pain, especially if they’re very vocal about it. It may seem easier on both of you if she just gives in and gets the epidural. Many coaches (out of love) will start suggesting the epidural. And if you suggest it, she’ll probably take you up on it. Make sure you’re committed to her going unmedicated too.