Go Ahead and Move!!!

In one of my classes, I was watching a couple during their labor rehearsal--during the part of the class when couples combine the breathing and positions and pretend they're actually in labor. The woman was holding a piece of ice during the "contractions" and working hard to figure out the best way to deal with the pain from the ice. She started rocking back and forth a little. And her coach told her to stop rocking and stay still. After the "contraction" she put her ice down and told her coach that the rocking was helping. And for many people a little movement is a great way to deal with contractions.

Many women find swaying, rocking, pounding, patting, lunging and rocking helpful during labor. The movement releases the energy of contractions and prevents many women from tensing up during the contractions.

But there was a bigger problem in this situation. A woman found a great way to deal with her contractions and her coach told her it was wrong. While coaches always have the best of intentions, it's easy to tell people what they're doing is wrong, especially if it looks a little weird. She may be doing something we'd never do, that seems like it would make the contractions worse. But if it's working for her, it shouldn't be messed with. If you're unsure whether something she's doing is helping, simply ask her between contractions.

How to Use the Room

You and your partner have been practicing positions for weeks and know which ones you want to use. But now that you’re in your labor room, you’re struggling to use the room. You also don’t know where the TV is, where extra towels are or where the call button for the nurse is. Here are some tips for using your birthing facility room.

• Page the nurse if you can’t get hot water in the shower, can’t get the toilet to flush or can’t find something. It’s part of her job to help you.

• Open up the cupboards. If it’s not locked, peek inside to see what’s in there. Grab towels, sheets, blankets and washcloths. If you’re not sure what something is though, don’t touch or try to play with it. You may accidently set off an alarm.

• Find out how to unhook the fetal monitor. If mom has to be on the fetal monitor you don’t want to have to take it completely off each time she has to run to the bathroom. Ask the nurse to show you how to unhook the wires and how to hook them back in (it’s very easy). Promise your nurse you’ll only unhook mom after getting your nurse’s approval.

• Figure out how to use the bed (and no, not in that way—we’re trying to get the baby out, not put another in there). Your partner’s bed can be raised up so mom can lean onto a birthing ball and put her cheek onto it. The back of the bed can lean up so she can kneel, facing the back of the bed and get a massage. Many hospital beds can be made into a chair for mom’s comfort.

• Use the hospital table that fits over the bed for various positions. These can be raised and locked into place for mom to lean on and get a back rub. Just make sure you lock the wheels or place a washcloth against them so the table doesn’t move.

• Look for a small stool in your room. The stool is great if mom wants to slow dance but you’re an uncomfortable height for her. The stool is also great for shorter moms while they’re hopping into and out of bed or while she's sitting in a chair and getting a foot rub. You can even use the stool for sitting on next to mom if you don't want to sit on the floor (just put a cushion on it).

• Lay blankets and sheets on the ground for mom to lie on if she wants to lie on the floor. Use lots of support to make mom as comfortable as possible.

• Learn how to page the nurse, how to work a CD player, the TV and any other electronics in your room. That way you don’t fool around with it for a while, potentially breaking things or changing settings, before finally realizing you don’t know what you’re doing and need the nurse to fix everything.

• Use pillows and blankets to make chairs and rocking chairs as comfortable as possible.

Taking Pictures/Video During the Birth

One of the things you’ll have to do to prepare for this birth is figure out how you want to take pictures or do video during the birth. Most people want pictures during the birth or immediately after the baby’s born. And the role of photographer (along with everything else) often falls to you.

• Make sure you know how your camera works, how to load memory cards, put in batteries and so on before she goes into labor. You should also make sure any memory cards are empty before she goes into labor. You may find it easier to have a special, unused memory card just for the big day.

• Take pictures all through the process. Snap a couple of pictures when she’s at home and take a picture of the people who are on the rest of the support team.

• Avoid neglecting mom to take pictures. Consider taking pictures secondary to making your partner as comfortable as possible.

• Just snap away. Don’t worry abut taking perfect pictures. If the pictures have a baby in them, they’re fine. If you don’t like the pictures you can always delete them from the memory card before anyone else sees them.

• Talk to mom beforehand to find out what pictures or video she wants. She may want PG-rated pictures (ie: no pictures of the baby crowning) or she may be fine with the R-rated pictures. If you want a shot of the baby being born, but don’t want a shot of your partner’s perineum, try filming up by mom’s head rather than over the doctor’s shoulder. If she’s going to breastfeed, you should also find out if she wants pictures with her breasts in them.

• Consider having a person whose job is to provide secondary support and take pictures. That way you can take care of your partner and still get lots of pictures. And this way, you’ll end up in some of the pictures too.

• Talk to your birthing facility to find out if they let you take pictures during the process. Some hospitals will allow pictures and video as long as everything is going okay. Others will allow still pictures, but no videos of the actual birth. Still others won’t allow any pictures of the actual birth or the moments following it. You should also find out the policy for c-section births. Video is usually not allowed and many hospitals won’t allow any still cameras into the operating room. Find out if the event of a c-section, when you can take pictures of the baby and your partner.

The Car Ride to the Hospital

Many coaches wonder how to handle the car ride to the hospital. Chances are, unless her water’s broken and contractions haven’t started, she’s going to be having some pretty strong contractions in the car. So here’s how to handle the drive.

• Never run through red lights or drive too fast. If you’re worried you’re not going to make it to the hospital before the baby comes, pull over and call 911. Alternately you can just go to the closest hospital.

• Keep your eye on the road. If mom starts groaning or making noise during contractions, avoid trying to help her too much. Your job is to get both of you safely to the hospital.

• Plan on mom being in the back seat. Make her as comfortable as possible. Give her cool compresses and water she can sip on, if she wants to. If she has back labor, give her a heating pad that’s air activated.

• Have her sit on a towel in case her water breaks in the car. She also may need a puke bucket—many women throw up during labor.

• Consider having someone else in the car who can help mom or do the driving so you can help mom. This may make the drive to the hospital a little safer.
  

How to Help Her get an Epidural

She wants her epidural and she wanted it ten minutes ago. Here’s how to support her while she’s getting her epidural.

• Keep her calm while you’re waiting for anesthesia. Depending on the facility, women may have to wait a little while for an anesthesiologist to be there. Get her through those contractions with breathing, focusing and positions and remind her help’s on the way.

• Help her as she’s getting the epidural. Epidurals are usually administered with moms curled into a C shape, with their back sticking out toward the anesthesiologist. Most anesthesiologists recommend moms curl into someone so she stays completely still and yet still feels supported while getting the epidural. Have the nurse show you how to help mom curl up. She’ll have to stay still for about 10-15 minutes while she’s getting her epidural, through a few contractions and she’ll need your help to do it. If she can’t curl into you, stay close, help her breathe and help her focus.

• Make sure moms understand what’s going on, she has all her questions answered and isn’t scared about the procedure. Most anesthesiologists will talk both of you through the procedure, letting you know what they’re doing at all times.

• Don’t watch the procedure, unless you really want to. The epidural is complex procedure involving needles, medicine and thin plastic tubing placed into your partner’s back. Even if you think you’ll be okay, avoid looking if you’re lightheaded from exhaustion or hunger.

How to Keep Calm

I posted this tip for one of my dads who is very anxious about his partner's upcoming birth.

It’s time to head to the hospital. Your partner’s doing fine, breathing through the contraction and coping really well. But you’re starting to freak out. Here are some things you can do to help you stay calm through the process.

Breathe. Remember that slow paced breathing you learned in class? In through the nose, out through the mouth, focusing on your breathing. It’s not just for her; it’s for you too. Breathe with her through the contractions and you’ll stay calmer.

Ask someone else to be there. If you know there’s another support person, her sister, mom, best friend or even a doula, you may feel calmer. You won’t have to remember everything and the other support person can give you breaks.

Take breaks. If you’re really having a hard time handling things, leave the room for a minute. If there’s no other support person, ask the nurse to come in and sit with your partner. Pace the halls, call a friend or head down to the cafeteria so you can come back calmer.

Watch for negative thoughts. If you constantly have worries about your partner or about the baby, or the slightest comment from the nurse or the doctor makes you visualize the worst case scenario, stop thinking those thoughts! Take a deep breath and force your mind to think about something happier. Each time your thoughts go back to that worse case scenario, stop your thoughts. Thinking about the worst thing that can happen isn’t going to help her, it’ll stress and exhaust you.

Ask lots of questions. If you don’t understand why something is being done ask for an explanation. Understanding things may help you keep calm and you can explain things better to your partner.

Tips from the Experts

This tip comes from one of my dad's who coached his partner through a very difficult birth that ended in a ceserean due to preeclampsia.

"I asked all of the questions (benefits, risks etc.) and remembered all of the information the dr's told us to explain to [my partner] and I hit the button for the epidural when [she] needed it. I also stayed in the chair right next to [her] side the whole night and morning and I got her anything she asked for right away when she needed it like her ipod and fresh cool washclothes."

Thanks for this great tip!