How to Help Her get an Epidural

She wants her epidural and she wanted it ten minutes ago. Here’s how to support her while she’s getting her epidural.

• Keep her calm while you’re waiting for anesthesia. Depending on the facility, women may have to wait a little while for an anesthesiologist to be there. Get her through those contractions with breathing, focusing and positions and remind her help’s on the way.

• Help her as she’s getting the epidural. Epidurals are usually administered with moms curled into a C shape, with their back sticking out toward the anesthesiologist. Most anesthesiologists recommend moms curl into someone so she stays completely still and yet still feels supported while getting the epidural. Have the nurse show you how to help mom curl up. She’ll have to stay still for about 10-15 minutes while she’s getting her epidural, through a few contractions and she’ll need your help to do it. If she can’t curl into you, stay close, help her breathe and help her focus.

• Make sure moms understand what’s going on, she has all her questions answered and isn’t scared about the procedure. Most anesthesiologists will talk both of you through the procedure, letting you know what they’re doing at all times.

• Don’t watch the procedure, unless you really want to. The epidural is complex procedure involving needles, medicine and thin plastic tubing placed into your partner’s back. Even if you think you’ll be okay, avoid looking if you’re lightheaded from exhaustion or hunger.

How to Keep Calm

I posted this tip for one of my dads who is very anxious about his partner's upcoming birth.

It’s time to head to the hospital. Your partner’s doing fine, breathing through the contraction and coping really well. But you’re starting to freak out. Here are some things you can do to help you stay calm through the process.

Breathe. Remember that slow paced breathing you learned in class? In through the nose, out through the mouth, focusing on your breathing. It’s not just for her; it’s for you too. Breathe with her through the contractions and you’ll stay calmer.

Ask someone else to be there. If you know there’s another support person, her sister, mom, best friend or even a doula, you may feel calmer. You won’t have to remember everything and the other support person can give you breaks.

Take breaks. If you’re really having a hard time handling things, leave the room for a minute. If there’s no other support person, ask the nurse to come in and sit with your partner. Pace the halls, call a friend or head down to the cafeteria so you can come back calmer.

Watch for negative thoughts. If you constantly have worries about your partner or about the baby, or the slightest comment from the nurse or the doctor makes you visualize the worst case scenario, stop thinking those thoughts! Take a deep breath and force your mind to think about something happier. Each time your thoughts go back to that worse case scenario, stop your thoughts. Thinking about the worst thing that can happen isn’t going to help her, it’ll stress and exhaust you.

Ask lots of questions. If you don’t understand why something is being done ask for an explanation. Understanding things may help you keep calm and you can explain things better to your partner.

Tips from the Experts

This tip comes from one of my dad's who coached his partner through a very difficult birth that ended in a ceserean due to preeclampsia.

"I asked all of the questions (benefits, risks etc.) and remembered all of the information the dr's told us to explain to [my partner] and I hit the button for the epidural when [she] needed it. I also stayed in the chair right next to [her] side the whole night and morning and I got her anything she asked for right away when she needed it like her ipod and fresh cool washclothes."

Thanks for this great tip!

The Power of your Voice

I’ve been at births full of chaos. Everyone is talking or yelling at mom, trying to get to her listen to what they’re trying to say. At this point, she usually panics and all the voices merge to one big roar of noise. But one voice can usually break through the chaos. Yours!

Women usually listen to their partner’s voice above everyone else’s. They’ll listen to it above the doctor they’ve only met a few times, and the nurse who was a stranger up until a few hours ago. If her eyes are getting big and everyone’s yelling, get as close to her as possible, look her in the eyes and echo what the nurses or doctors are saying. Make sure you speak calmly, maintain eye contact and she’ll listen.

Tips of the Week

These come from coaches who have just been in the trenches.

One dad commented that the he…he…he…ho breathing really helped his wife through labor. He also said getting close to her face and making her look him in the eyes really helped too. Just so everyone’s aware, sometimes it takes a little while to get an epidural—it took this mom 2 hours. So that was 2 hours that she really, really needed her coach’s support. And it sounds like he did a great job!

A new grandmother who was the coach for her daughter’s birth commented that encouragement was the most important thing she did. This birth was a long and difficult one. The grandmother also said it’s important to be prepared for all potential variations of the birth, like a cesarean. She highly recommends coaches talk to the moms before birth about various “what if” scenarios, just in case they happen.