No one wants to see their partner in pain. Unfortunately, pain is a part of birth and she probably will be in some pain at some point, even if she’s planning to get an epidural as soon as possible.
So here are some things you can do to make seeing your partner in pain a little easier.
- Remind yourself that labor pain is a part of the process. According to Dr. William Camann in his book Easy Labor, “Labor pain is a unique type of pain, since it’s not associated with injury but a normal process.” Labor pain is different from a headache, sprained ankle or even menstrual cramps. It has peaks and it has breaks when she should be feeling no pain whatsoever. And for the majority of labor, she will have more break time than pain time. In addition, no matter how hard it gets, contractions usually last no longer than 90 seconds. Focus on the break time, not the contractions.
- Help her deal with the pain. Yes you can help! Review your comfort techniques. Help her breathe and have her close her eyes or look into your eyes. Know that you can help decrease her pain with music, cool compresses, massages and even the shower. Simply being present will be a huge comfort to your partner decreasing the amount of pain she's experiencing.
- Remember that it’s not you in pain. Many very well meaning coaches struggle when their partner wants to go unmedicated; they struggle witnessing her in pain and suggest she get some pain relief. Try to resist doing this. Think about how angry she will be with you after the birth if she feels like YOU forced her to get pain medicine she didn’t need.
- She needs you to be strong. If you start panicking, she’ll panic. This is the one time you must be a rock she can lean on, a rock she can depend on no matter what happens. The stronger you are, the stronger she’ll be and the less pain she’ll feel. Try to hold off on any emotional outbursts until the baby’s born or she gets some medication (if that’s what she wants).
